Progress is slow. I’m excited to clear my hoard, not excited to do the actual work. I’ve been having problems feeling motivated to do much, just kind of feeling fatigued. At first I thought I was just fighting a bug but now I’m thinking it might be a symptom of depression. I used to have this problem before I was on medication. But I have been bagging the rest of the trash and it looks like I’ll have to make a second dump trip when I’m done.
Other than that I have been taking Clorox wipes and wiping down hard surfaces as I move around. More a maintenance thing than anything. Trying to put my trash directly in the trash can instead of, “oh I’ll just set this on my nightstand to throw away later”. And I haven’t brought anything new in (aside from food obviously).
I have bagged some of the unbagged trash since last I blogged, so I consider that progress. Also I have here the “before pictures”.
First off I want to say thanks to everyone who is following and commenting. I will try to respond to all comments. I was able to get rid of the trash, 7 kitchen garbage bags of trash and 2 paper grocery bags or recyclables where taken to the dump/recycled. Unfortunately that is all the cleaning that got done yesterday. I received some bad news over an unrelated issue and pretty much slept the whole day because I was so upset. Today I am going to attempt to fix the issue from yesterday and I hope everything goes well. There’s still a lot of trash left that isn’t in bags so I think my next step will just be trying to bag the remaining trash.
My parents suggest I seek therapy as I have depression and some other problems and have had them for around 10 years. I’m thinking I may bring up the hoarding with my therapist. I’m worried I may fall back into my old ways if I don’t fix what causes the hoarding in the first place. I did have a small victory the other day. I had an urge to go shopping at a local store to see if there was anything I wanted for my place. But I convinced myself to wait until I had cleaned out more before bringing anything else in.
I’ve decided to post the pictures later in the day when I get everything I need to do out of the way.
Yesterday no cleaning got done as I spent most of the day out. Tomorrow I am taking all the bags of trash and recycling I have out to the dump. The reason that trash has accumulated is because I rent and the garbage can that goes out for street collection is very small and the owners fill it with their trash and subsequently I am not able to get rid of my trash unless I take it out to a dumpster or my parent’s house. I have so far been too uncomfortable to bring up the issue with the owners, but I know if I don’t, the problem will never get fixed. Once I take out the trash and recycling there will be like a fourth more space available. I feel like it will make me feel so much better. I am so ashamed of all the trash bags and I know its starting to smell. I keep air fresheners around but I hate living like this.
I’ve heard this from the last three people I let into my one room studio where I live. And its almost true. My possessions have taken over to the extent that they interfere with my daily life. From a young age I was “a packrat”. I kept trinkets of all kinds that had no real use. My room as a teenager was always a mess and I had more stuff than could fit in my room. But I couldn’t bring myself to throw things away, even if they were useless or unused. If I had to get rid of things I insisted they be recycled or donated. My parents expressed concern that once I moved out, if I didn’t change my ways it would spiral out of control. And it pretty much did. But one day I had an epiphany. I couldn’t even access half of my stuff, let alone use it. So now I’ve decided to sort through all of my possessions which will be either kept, sold, donated or thrown away/recycled. This blog will chronicle my feelings and progress through out the month of March. I have taken some “before” pictures but I don’t know when I’ll be brave enough to post them.